I hate coming right as the bus is leaving.
I love walking in the rain.

I hate being tired.
I love listening to good music on the way

I hate when it's crowded.
I love sitting in a cafe and just chilling.

I hate when people stare for no reason
I love the feeling of success.

I hate loosing it all.
I love it when we talk

I hate it when I love them, but they reject me
But I hate it even more when I don't love anyone.

I love the feeling that I made their day.
I hate them not making mine.

I hate the longing
But I hate when I don't.

I love believing things will happen
I hate it when they don't.

I love how I hate it
and I hate how I love it.

I hate how it will never happen
But I still love how I think it will.

I hate when it takes everything out of me
But I love how it keeps me going.

I hate when they see how bad I feel
But I love the fact that they do.

I hate to wait for them
I love how I always do.

I love it, love it more than anything when I talk to ______
I forget what I hate, even if it doesn't last for long.

I love thoughts rushing to my head
I hate it when they stay.

I just love to hate
and I hate the way I love

I love it.
I absolutely love it.

I just hella thought of him.
This is the first time I've actually thought of him for more than a minute. I always got sad when looking at his myspace, and his pics. Its hard to believe that a person could just be gone. I can't say I was very close to him. I didn't even know him at all. It was 4 months on Tuesday. I didn't now him, but I hope he is happy where ever he is.

ARG.
I'm not crazy. shits just been a bit rough.

So today I'm with the parents, and there is no reason for me to be mad or sad. We were not fighting, but for some reason I just got upset. I even remember thinking "Why the fuck am I upset?" couldn't find an answer. Then they get in a fight. I walk in front, faster to the car and get in. They keep arguing. Dad gets out and says he will go home himself. Tears going down my face. Dad comes back before mom starts car, gets in and I think they were okay. I didn't talk to them for about 10 minutes. My dad turned on music. The Lovemakers, my fave band at the moment, but I didn't even hear them. I was thinking about some other shit.

The rest was okay.

Now, I'm sad again.
1:32 am.
Why must things happen this way?
I'm really lonely. I mean I have friends and family, why am I alone?
I need someone there, to be with me. Not just a friend, but a person of the opposite sex who can help me when I'm feeling crapy, who can be there for me when I need them.

Damnit.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ADAM CARSON!!!!




YEAH, he's a hottie!

As I might have said before, being sick is a bitch.
I can't stand being home with the dad. I asked him to make me tea. He made it, but not the way I wanted. damn.
fever went down.
what do you know...