The morning started off with a very weird mood.
I was upset by god knows what! I know what it was actually. Once again, this is me questioning and trying to create something which should not be created. I am once again in doubt and am worried that it all might come tumbling down right before my eyes. I can't let this happen. I simply cannot stand to think that something like this would even have a chance of happening at this point. I am driving everyone away once again. I like to think that something will go wrong. I will be shattered into a million pieces if they do, but for some reason I am leading up to this happening. I guess it's just that time again. If anything does happen...I won't really be able to stand it. I'm too attached at this point for it to not leave me with emotional damage. (Like sophomore year, that fucked me up really well). I had these feelings with many other guys before. Every single one of them actually. There came a point when I questioned and assumed and drove them away. Then I decided I miss them like crazy and found a way to get a second chance. Well, that was years ago. High School drama is left behind and it's time to somewhat get serious.

Why can't just accept it for what it is and enjoy it without constantly worrying that something might go wrong? If someone doesn't like something about their partner, they don't stick around for long in the first place. I understand these things, and I really am trying to accept that NOTHING is wrong. I create these issues. That's one of my biggest character flaws. I need to end this NOW. I can't allow myself to go back to those old ways. I've worked too hard to get this far.

The new cafe opened at school today. Relatively short line which wasn't so bad. Got a smoothie and a wrap. It was good. Came home and ate 2 Chewy bars (which were not needed). I feel somewhat better today, but am still upset and mad at myself that I can't do anything about my problem. If I really wanted to, I could be happy with myself just by doing physical activities, but I just can't make myself. I need to and I want to, but I don't think I'll ever reach my goal.