self medication

I remember being one of those people who would write in their journal everyday. I still have my old Xanga links and all. And sometimes after some of my friends abandoned theirs, I still went back and read over their entries and all the comments. I guess that's the cool part about journaling, everything stays there even when the people change and everything around is different. Because eventually exact feelings and thoughts become lost in time, but there's always what you have written to look back on. I don't have much to say about the matter than I just wrote, so I'll stop there.

On a different note, it's come to my attention that we have several problems to work out. I hate using the term "problems" so I'll replace that with "cracks" or "things"
to work on. And sometimes I feel like this isn't good enough for me and that I want something else, like I'm worth a lot more than what I'm getting back from this. And other times I feel like I'm not good enough. And then I keep wondering and assuming and stating and it never ever ever gets me anywhere. I hope this feeling or whatever it is that's bothering me passes and everything turns out fine because this is the one thing I worry about most than anything else that I've ever worried about and it's such an annoying piece of shit having all these feeling and they just need to GO AWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYY.

Ok, I'm fine :)

you just can't stop me

It's that time of the month again when I go and stick my nose into places it shouldn't be in. It didn't take that long to figure out the log-in details and I could have sworn I tried the one that worked a million times before. I haven't been to that web page in a while though, maybe about a month or so. I've been doing good. Really, I have. I think it affected me less this time. I didn't really feel anything when I read over all the crap I told myself I would never look at. This is too easy. If I want this shit to stop bothering me I need to stop reading it. OR I should just keep reading it until eventually it means nothing anymore. That sounds like a plan. I'll spend all my time reading over what has happened and have no time at all for my current life. Really, there is nothing I would rather be doing than glossing over written confessions of love for other girls. Seriously, fuck them. I got the floor now and I'm gonna use my time wisely and then everything will be okay. Gee how happy I do sound. Let's just hope I can stick to it...since we all know I have issues doing that. Back to H.W. woo