Time To Waste

What a lazy-ass day.
Woke up at around 12:30. Ate. Did nothing. Ate some more and was about to clean my room, but was too lazy too. Now I sit here with the same mess surrounding me.

One thing I kinda don't like is talking openly about things. I go all out and say more than I would normally and then end up feeling weird after. I guess this happens to everyone. Weird.

Gretta is "depressed". According to her, she has a problem but doesn't know why she has it. I can't help her. I can't find a guy for her, nor do I want to take on that responsibility. I had enough of it on my own. Actually, I just kinda stopped looking. I think she should just wait for the right moment. She is 17 and her whole life is ahead of her. I was single for about...6 months and then turned 18 and got with some idiot. Not a great choice, but it proves my point. She wants my Vicodin, which I will not be giving her. I hate that she reminded me that I have it. Now I will probably take some when shit happens, even though I really don't get the point of it.

It's actually weird being in a somewhat serious relationship. After all those past idiots it's hard to believe that this one might actually be normal and not filled with a bunch of bullshit. It's weird, but deep down it's great. Will just take some getting used to.

Speaking of Gretta, she and I smoked on both Thursday and Friday. I have no idea why I let her light me again. The last time I smoked with her was when I bought her a pack on our way to Fuzz. We smoked on the way there, on the balcony and right outside. This time we sat in a parking lot, on the curb. Then on Friday, right on campus. After drinking our smoothies. We sat next to a guy who reminded me of Sid from The Sex Pistols. I thought he would hate us for all the smoke, because to me he totally came off as a straight edge kid. To my surprise he came over and asked to bum a cig. He didn't seem that cool anymore.
Gretta smokes in front of me all the time. After we left school, I turn to her as she lights again that she should stop. (This doesn't make me any better, but I don't go through a pack a day. I rarely do it anyways.) She told me to pretty much shut up and stop telling her to quit. I stopped. I also ended up giving her the Camels Arin and Ian gave me for my birthday. They were nasty as hell and I just couldn't take it anymore.
I remember standing on the staircase outside the back door of my crib and smoking them. I remember thinking how gross they were, but I kept doing it.
I hate the smell of cigarette smoke. I smelled like them the whole day, and at some points I was really annoyed.
Writing about this makes me want to do it again. I have no reason to though. I have no pain to kill, no time to just waste and no point in finding a way to relax.
I am doing quite well actually. Weird, there is nothing for me to really worry about lately. That is a bit odd, but I guess it's good.
Well, the bed looks truly amazing at this point in the night so I'm gonna go enjoy my sleep.