on my way,

This mellow, somewhat slow Tuesday is already coming to an end. I hate that feeling when it's kinda late and you realize there is still a pile of stuff left to do. Like this essay...that was due today. Luckily I wasn't the only one who forgot that it was due today and not Thursday and she said I can turn it in tomorrow. I freaked out and totally came up to her and asked in this amazingly nice/worried tone and she was nothing but nice to me. It's amazing how you can get your way with people you don't know. It's funny how you can have the biggest grin on your face when your whole world is upside down and they won't have the slightest clue, unlike with those that know you well when you don't even have to say anything for them to know something is up. And that is great.
I wish it would stop drizzling and actually rain, like last week. Ha, exactly a week ago at night. That was great. Felt right and is much needed.
wow, this was supposed to come out a bit deeper than it is turning out to be. I always have the perfect thing to say, but never end up saying it. I don't even seem to remember what it was. Maybe that's because it wasn't anything special? Who knows? I don't.
Ah, the bitch in math stopped staring, while the bitch in English continues too. It's fun to stare back until she ends up turning away. If she only knew what I was thinking at the time, she wouldn't be staring at all. One day I'll call her out.

Rafaella and I are planning to meet up again. This shall be very exciting and somewhat helpful. I always kinda wished I was like her back in the day. She is always involved in all these extra activities and she does so well in everything. She will get really far. I can't say I won't, but for now I'm stuck in fog. I have no idea what I want or how it will all turn out. It's fun to think about finishing school and actually...living, but at the same time I just want to go under the covers and sleep until everything is done for me. But that wouldn't be too fun.

time to go write the essay. First draft is done and corrected by more than one person, so this shall be easy. I just have to force myself to do it. aaahhh, this week needs to end. And the ending has to be the same as it has been for the past weeks, or else it just won't do it.


"Did it all get real? I guess it's real enough
They got refrigerators full of blood
Another century spent pointing guns
At anything that moves
Sometimes I worry that I've lost the plot
My twitching muscles tease my flippant thoughts
I never really dreamed of heaven much
Until we put him in the ground
But it's all I'm doing now
Listening for patterns in the sound
Of an endless static sea
But once the satellite's deceased
It blows like garbage through the streets
Of the night sky to infinity


Don't be a criminal in this police state
You'd better shop and eat and procreate
You've got vacation days, then you might escape
To a condo on the coast
I set my watch to the atomic clock
I hear the crowd count down until the bomb gets dropped
I always figured there'd be time enough
I never let it get me down
But I can't help it now
Looking for faces in the clouds
I've got some friends I barely see
But we're all planning to meet
We'll lay in bags as dead as leaves
All together for eternity

But don't you weep
Don't you weep
There is nothing as lucky
Honey, don't you weep
Don't you weep
There is nothing as lucky
As easy
Or free"


...as what?!!! The song fails to tell me!
WTF...I'm so not satisfied!