Night life the high life she just wants a good life

The past week was the most annoying week I think we have ever had. There wasn't a day when we wouldn't snap at one another for any and every little thing possible. We avoided getting into fights and me being mad and hanging up and telling off and singing off and sad faces and the usual him not thinking of MY feelings. That's the last thing we needed and we did a good job avoiding it. How? I'm still not sure, just thank God it turned out this way.

If anything, I think we reached the moment where it's like...is this really what we want? This is us at our worst annoying moments and our stubborn little selves wanting to make things better. It's been hard for me to realize how hard I have to work (literally) to be able to live together and do what we want to do. That was like a real wake up call. I mean I knew this before. I wouldn't allow myself to live with him without having a job, but this all just made me realize I have a long way to go. I know it's hard for him too and he's the one waiting for me. I feel like I've kinda lost control of things and for once I'm the one to blame for whatever is not happening in our relationship. I really need to step up. It's hard to realize that he's pretty much just waiting out for me to grow up and see what I truly want. And I know that he's still scared I'll wake up one day and change my mind about being with him and turn my back on our relationship and walk out and that's not an easy thing to handle. He tells me he's not worried and he's fine but honestly I know that he is. I can see it each time we argue and fight. He just gets so scared. I get scared too...that he will leave me, but I shouldn't think like that. And I need to lighten up and not always react negatively to EVERY little thing. That's not nice. I need to control myself.

It's just hard right now, but we both want to be with each other so I guess everything is fine. Ugghh I have so much to make up for.



.......Accidents out on the highway to somewhere
They tell us about when we we're young
Rescuers working to clean up the crashes
Before she can see what they've done
Nobody told her she'd lose in the first round
The last fight was fixed from the start
Name's on her sidewalks they move through her body
Like razors they cut through her heart.......