what new friends will the day bring?

I love talking to his friends. I love that his friends are so easy to get along with. I don't even know a lot of them, only through Facebook and whatnot, but there's something about them that I love. Maybe it's the fact that they agree with me about that little piece of shit that is frolicking around and messing up everything I've got. This proves that the dude I'm with is completely clueless and blind. I wish someone would talk to him and make him see what I and everyone else sees. Seriously, ALL his friends that I've talked to from college hate her. So I'm fully justified in my pissyness and annoyance. Can't wait to see how this unfolds.

Just talked to John, his really good friend from SLO. (hence why I'm talking about friends) and he's coming here this Saturday to see a show with us. Judging from our FB conversation him and I will get along great. I like that all his friends like me. This way he's gonna look like an idiot if he fucks up. Perfect.

And yes, I still hope she falls off the planet.

you make me better

All is good in Bella land once again it seems. :)
And Bella is happy once again it seems.
And nothing like that will ever....try to happen again. And that I don't see, that I know. =D

a quick death

Got myself into a new mess.
Our fight was very long and serious (I think we ignored the main issue and focused on something else instead...hmm) and didn't really solve anything except the obvious. I have to be less jealous and more trusting. That lead it to me promising I wouldn't log into accounts that are not mine. As much as it might sound creepy, that's kinda...the air I breathe...or at least some of it. Not that I want to find something bad, but it's more like I feel better when I do and see there was nothing to worry about. Now that's taken away from me.

I hate that the communication between us is so...stiff. I feel wrong and bad for wanting to bring up certain things, whether they bother me or not and totally feel like I'm not allowed. I don't know if I can deal, I don't do well on lock downs.

Scared to think about what would happen if I actually didn't come back after walking out, therefore I avoid those thoughts. Things like that make me feel like I'm dying. I get all tense and breathe hard and heavy and it honestly feels like my heart is gonna explode. There were no tears this time, just anger and disbelief. Was all this worth it? We shall see...

grr

I honestly don't think I'm a freak for spending time on trying to make myself look good. I personally think it's ridiculous that some of those people have NEVER had a wax in their life and don't do their hair or wear any makeup or anything of that sort. I mean c'mon. Your appearance says a lot about you!
And he makes fun of me because I actually put time into looking nice? Ok I'll look like a bum once and we'll see what he says.

Ugh, sometimes I think I'm too much for this person. Maybe I should just let him get back to being with ugly and annoying stupid people who do nothing with their lives, since that's all he's ever known anyways.

stain red

You know when you get that feeling that you're doing something wrong and everything seems to be going down the drain? Shitty feeling, BUT I haven't felt it in a while. That's scary, but also amazing.
I realized (well not like I had no clue before) that I'm a very jealous person, both of the past and the present. That's just how I am and I don't think that's ever gonna change. Take it or leave it. It's hard to deal with my weird thoughts and everything that pops into my head like my new semi-red hair looking like whatsherfaces dumb bitch's myspace profile pic. Who else would think of that but me!? But ahhh my hair looks like hers did. Shoot me now. Whatever, she looked bad with it anyways.

I dont wanna be the girl who laughs the loudest,
Or the girl who never wants to be alone.
I dont wanna be that call at 4 o'clock in the morning,
'Cause I'm the only one you know in the world that won't be home.

Ah-ah-ah, the sun is blinding.
Ah-ah, I stayed up again.
Oh-oh-oh, what a finding.
That's not the way I want my story to end...