I'm still breathing...

I was absolutely fine until about 3 minutes ago. It's times like these when I have lots of things to do but I only end up sitting in front of the computer looking at things I should not be looking at. I've been doing better though. I don't get myself into looking at things I wasn't involved in at the time of occurrence and that stops me from making assumptions and guesses about what happened. But the facts till remains that I know enough to make me sad. It shouldn't matter but it still gets me down. I guess I am the type of person who lives in the past? I don't want to be this person I describe, but it's not something that's easy to get away from. Ugghhh so frustrating. It's weird, sometimes I feel like EVERYTHING is perfect and nothing can get in the way and sometimes there are times when I get really sad and think "oh well, it's just not gonna work out" and it's so hard to control. I must admit I do like that amazing feeling where I think that everything is good, because at the time...it really is.

This means I just have to keep myself busy. And try really hard not to TRY and find things and try and NOT be sad and TRY to understand and accept and let go, or not give a shit because it really doesn't matter. What matters is NOW. What matters is ME and US and everything we have built up to.

aaahhh let's see if I stick to my statements...